A hilarious compilation of the year's most loathsome figures, courtesy of The BEAST. My three favorite . . .
#26, William Kristol: Charges: Bears the burlesque Cheshire grin of a sophist born with a large silver spoon jammed sideways in his mouth. A second generation neocon raised in the tradition of Straussian perception management and myth creation, Kristol is basically lying
about everything -- always -- and he knows it. Whether at the helm of Rupert Murdoch's Weekly Standard, appearing on Murdoch's Fox News Channel, or co-founding the disastrous Project for a New American Century, Bill is arguably the most egregious media hawk of a generation. Seems to have suffered no ill impact to his career or prestige despite having been completely wrong about everything to do with Iraq and Iran, and actually laughs about it with obnoxious frequency.
Exhibit A: "First of all, whenever I hear anything described as a heartless assault on our children, I tend to think it's a good idea. I'm happy that the President's willing to do something bad for the kids."
Sentence: Corners of mouth torn apart by metal hook towing mules and face stomped by high-heeled elephants.
#25, Mormon Jesus: Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil -- OMG! Won't even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning -- what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won't stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don't appreciate as much as he thinks.
Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.
Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.
#26, William Kristol: Charges: Bears the burlesque Cheshire grin of a sophist born with a large silver spoon jammed sideways in his mouth. A second generation neocon raised in the tradition of Straussian perception management and myth creation, Kristol is basically lying
about everything -- always -- and he knows it. Whether at the helm of Rupert Murdoch's Weekly Standard, appearing on Murdoch's Fox News Channel, or co-founding the disastrous Project for a New American Century, Bill is arguably the most egregious media hawk of a generation. Seems to have suffered no ill impact to his career or prestige despite having been completely wrong about everything to do with Iraq and Iran, and actually laughs about it with obnoxious frequency.Exhibit A: "First of all, whenever I hear anything described as a heartless assault on our children, I tend to think it's a good idea. I'm happy that the President's willing to do something bad for the kids."
Sentence: Corners of mouth torn apart by metal hook towing mules and face stomped by high-heeled elephants.
#25, Mormon Jesus: Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil -- OMG! Won't even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning -- what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won't stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don't appreciate as much as he thinks.
Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.
Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.
#17, Hillary Clinton: Charges: Began in politics as a teenage Nixon supporter -- that's twisted. Moved on to corporate law, representing Wal-Mart and bravely defending Coca-Cola from disabled employees. Married out of ambition. Failed miserably as the first lady of health care. Has spent whole of senatorial career as a hawk and a panderer. Would have no shot at becoming president if she didn't just happen to be married to one already.
Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.
Sentence: Victim of vast right wing conspiracy to shove a brick up her ass.
(Illustrations by Ian Murphy, c/o The BEAST)
Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.
Sentence: Victim of vast right wing conspiracy to shove a brick up her ass.
(Illustrations by Ian Murphy, c/o The BEAST)
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