The Onion

The Onion takes aim at Boston-area college students.

Native Bostonians Unable To Defend Land From Invading College Students

"BOSTON—The now monthlong invasion carried out by more 200,000 college students who bombarded this quiet, historic city, has forced native Bostonians to relinquish their rights as citizens and settle into a new life under occupation.

Members of the first wave of intruders, who took control of Government Center earlier this month.

'This was clearly a highly coordinated operation that had been in the planning stages for months, and in some cases, years," said Boston Mayor Thomas Menino, who has urged calm among the city's residents. 'I regret not reading the warning signs when thousands of them showed up last spring, scouting our highest-profile sites. But Bostonians are a resilient bunch, and we will do what we can to carry on with our lives as normal.'"

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